ASIAN FAMILY VALUES VS KINGDOM VALUES?
Paige’s parents were deeply disappointed when she chose to go to the mission field. Are traditional Asian values and devotion to family incompatible with Kingdom values and the lordship of Christ in our lives?
Immigrant families believe in hard work. Education is the stairway to achieving the American dream. Many children grow up constantly competing and being compared to others in pursuit of security and respectability through professional careers and home ownership. If immigrant parents had had a hard time, the imperative for security would be even stronger.
The push for success is reinforced by the traditional value of honoring our parents. In hierarchical and collectively oriented Asian cultures, the individual is defined by the larger collective to which they belong and are obligated. Junior members are expected to conform and submit to the authority and expectations of their elders, whose wisdom is for the good of the individual and the honor of the family.
But, growing up in the American culture that values personal autonomy and rights to define who we are and pursue our dreams, second generation immigrant children often struggle with relational tensions or may resent the pressure from their parents. Even so, the sense of duty and desire for parental approval are hard to shake off.
Parenting well is also an important family value. Second generation parents may be more able to afford their children what they did not have growing up. They would devote their time and energy outside of work to the care and nurture of their children, enrolling them in classes and extracurricular activities for their enrichment and enjoyment. What was for them a luxury then seems a necessity now for their kids to stay in the game and be competitive.
Hard work, filial piety, and parenting well are not incompatible with biblical teaching. Prov. 6:6-11 takes a cue from nature to affirm the virtue of hard work and planning for the rainy day. Eph. 6:1-2 reminds us that honoring our father and mother is the first commandment with a promise and the right thing to do. Ps. 127:3-4 tells us that children are a heritage and reward from the Lord, like arrows in a warrior’s hands. We should steward well these resources and relationships, which are gifts from the Lord.
But we must not let our devotion and duty to the family become an idol that rivals Christ’s lordship in our lives.
In Lk. 9:59-62, Jesus called a man to follow him. The man said he must first bury his father, meaning that he had to fulfill his filial duties before he could respond to Jesus’ invitation. Some of us may wish to wait till we have fulfilled our parents’ expectations and launched our children into the world before we respond to God’s call to service.
But the Lord’s teaching is clear: “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for My sake will find it.” (Mt. 10:37-39)
Jesus, who gave His life in ransom for ours, has every right to ask this of us. He set the example by laying down His rights in obedience to the call of His mission (Phil. 2:1-8)
That said, our heavenly Father knows our needs. In Lk.12:35, Jesus pointed to God’s care for the birds of the air and the flowers in the fields. How much more would God care for us! Hence, the invitation and assurance: “Seek His Kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.” (v.31)
Wayne and Paige’s story is just one of many. Our tentmakers went overseas, not knowing what would happen. Trusting God, they saw parents come to faith, children provided for, and jobs prepared for them when they came home years later.
Until we take the lordship of Christ to heart, we can become so consumed by the stuff of life that we will never know the incomparable riches in Christ Jesus—the freedom, security, and hundredfold blessings that are ours when we choose to live in the center of God’s will.